Oh how she loved

By the time my mom arrived at the hospital that night, she was already a grandmother.  Her nameless little granddaughter was there, perfectly healthy, pink and ready to be loved by her new family.  

    My surprise pregnancy and delivery had myself  and my family in complete and total shock.  This brand new baby girl, born at the stroke of midnight,  immediately wrapped my mom around her little finger.  The unplanned delivery left me sick and frail but it seemed to rekindle the fire in my mom that hadn’t  been seen in a long time.  My mom  immediately  fell in love and sprang  into action to make sure Alisha Renee’ was taken care of and loved beyond measure.  

    As other grandchildren came into my mom’s life, her love for them multiplied with each addition.  She loved them all equally but there was always a special place in her heart for the sweet  little surprise baby  who dominated her life and love for those first five years of being a grandma.

    As Alisha grew,  a strong love and friendship developed between her and her grandma.  They enjoyed special time together and always worked to make sure the other knew how special they were to each other.  Mom was always Alisha’s biggest fan and cheerleader.  She never missed an opportunity to be in the stands to show her support.  Whether it was a ballgame, choir concert or school play, Grandma was there. Having  slumber parties in grandma’s family room were always more fun there than the ones at home.  

    From the time she received  that surprise phone call my mom devoted herself to being a wonderful  grandma.  She loved my children, spoiled them, corrected them, gave them guidance,  taught them proper manners, and supported them. She was an all-round super hero of a grandma.  I loved seeing her so devote to my children.   Years later  I would come to realize, that in the many wonderful ways my momma expressed her love, the last of these would be the most precious.  

   Alisha was about to leave on her first overnight trip to visit a classmate at her university campus when there was an emergency call to 911 and my mom was rushed to the hospital with lights and sirens blaring.   Like with Alisha’s birth over 18 years before, mom’s illness onset was sudden and unexpected.

   At the emergency room and then after admission to the hospital the doctors had few answers for us.  All they would say was mom was “a very sick lady”.  At mom’s instance, Alisha went on with her trip. But with every mile Alisha drove, grandma’s condition seemed to get worse. Things transpired quickly and the situation changed from severe stomach pains and violent vomiting  to being unconscious and then unresponsive.   As an overprotective mom, I chose to shelter Alisha from many of the details of what was happening at home.   We  wanted her to enjoy her ‘away from home’ ‘experience.  Besides,  I had no real clue as  to what the next hours would bring. The idea of my mom being on her deathbed was a place I could not let myself consider. After all mom was only 58 years old.   But less than 24 hours from when Alisha  pulled out of the drive, I knew she needed to come back home.  

    Based on her close relationship with her Grandma, I did not want to just call and  suggest her return. Alisha would hear the heartbreak and concern in my voice.   I wanted her trip home to be safe, so I chose to send a couple of friends to go get her and bring her back.  I knew the emotional state she would be in and I  could not stand the thought of her driving  way too fast with tear streaked vision.  This choice meant the travel time would double and  it would be nearly seven hours before Alisha would walk in the doors of the ICU unit to tell her Grandma goodbye.  

    Those seven hours turned into an emotional and heart wrenching time in the ICU waiting room.  Family members filled the seats and we prayed for mom and for Alisha’s travel.  The minutes ticked away at a seemingly rapid pace as we watched mom’s health decline.  

    The number on Alisha’s speedometer and mom’s thermometer  both steadily climbed as the race was on for Alisha to make it to grandma’s bedside.  As we stood by my mom’s side watching her blood pressure and heart rate continued to decrease, just speaking Alisha’s name seemed to create a stir in mom’s sick heart.  Many times I whispered and told mom how much I loved her and reminded her Alisha was on her way.  There would be no visual response, but mom’s heart rate would  increase a tiny  bit each time Alisha’s name was spoken.  I know without a doubt my momma was waiting on our baby girl.  

    The last couple of hours of mom’s life was a roller coaster of emotions.  I spent my time divided between mom’s bedside and the phone in the waiting room where I would check on Alisha’s location and loving on my other kids who were hurting so bad.  Tears filled the ICU room, the waiting room and Alisha’s car as darkness set in and the race continued.  

   Then the call came, Alisha was in the parking lot.  With her baby sister running down the steps to meet her and Alisha pounding on the button of the elevator and then running up the steps to say goodbye, tears were falling as fast as the temperatures outside on that November night.  

    With a room full of family at Mom’s side, a huge sigh of relief was groaned around the bedside as Alisha bolted through the door.  As Alisha took her place beside me, she was very still and obviously in shock.  That’s when my sister-in-law spoke up and hastily and matter-of -factly  said “Alisha, tell your grandma you love her”.  At the time the mother hen in me had her tail feathers ruffled and I resented the instruction, but soon I would be more than grateful..  At that moment Alisha responded, grabbed her grandma’s hand and softly said, “ Grammy, I’m here and I love you.”  As Alisha finished her statement, there was a visible sign of relief on my mom’s face. Her entire body seems to instantly relax.  Peace and permission  for my mom had entered the room the moment Alisha stepped in. Less than one minute after Alisha voiced her love, it was over.  Momma took her last breath as Alisha held her by the hand.  

   From the time I watched  my mom hold Alisha 18 ½ years before,  I knew she deeply loved that child.  But it was not until her sudden and unexpected, no real time for goodbye death, did I completely understand the depth of her love.  My mom postponed her own death, continued to suffer, all because she knew Alisha needed to be there.  She knew that Alisha needed to say, “ I love you Grammy”,  just one more time.  My mom,  without a doubt,  loved my children with each breath of her life.  And I’m thankful to know  it was obviously a love that could not be broken, not even by death.  My mom loved my kids every day of her life and she proved it in her death.